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Rice Dream Ice Cream Pies

September 6, 2011

Rice Dream isn’t a foreign company to me, not in the least. My hippie dad made sure our fridge was well stocked with this chalk water at all times growing up. I vividly recall one moment in particular when I was seven years old. My father and I were having a family moment in the kitchen and I proudly admitted to him that I didn’t like rice milk but continued to drink it because I knew it was good for me. He yelled at me for it. I still don’t know why.

Though I’ll admit it isn’t an awful drink, I still to this day can’t get through an honest gulp without wondering why someone painting their living room white decided to use my glass of water to rinse their brush. What I’m trying to say is that rice milk is generally watery and bland, but if you’re into that kind of stuff then be my guest and drink it. While you’re at it you can hang out with my dad, he’s really into Bob Marley and gardening and scolding his youngest son who was just trying to impress him.

This isn’t about that, though. This isn’t about my aversion to rice milk or the daddy issues I may or may not be suppressing. This is about now, living in the moment, today. And today I’m eating frozen dessert pies. Don’t ruin this for me.

Say hello to Rice Dream Frozen Dessert Pies, the popular companies non-dairy take on the ice cream sandwich. They’re available in four flavors – chocolate, mocha, mint chocolate, and vanilla. All flavors are choco-dipped except vanilla, where they decided to hippie fist bump and go for carob. As you can see, we tried chocolate and vanilla.

The first thing I noticed was the top cookie, they were both off centered to the point of almost falling off the pie. Not very attractive, Rice Dream. Why not just make a cookie the same size as your frozen dessert puck? They’re lucky I shamelessly mooch off my girlfriend and didn’t actually buy these, any more self worth and I might have actually cared.

I was pleasantly surprised after my first bite. Oatmeal definitely wasn’t a bad choice here, but I’m kind of an oatmeal cookie snob so I’ll go ahead and say the cookie was lack luster. Both chocolate and vanilla “ice cream” fillings were delightfully creamy, though I can’t say flavor gets a perfect 10. Vanilla in particular didn’t do a good enough job masking that rice milk after taste and even clashed with the carob coating in an off putting medicinal sort of way. Chocolate was definitely the most palatable over all, solely because it felt the most like an actual treat. Creamy, chocolaty, not bad to bite into. I might have even enjoyed a scoop of the chocolate (r)ice cream on its own.

Still, at the end of the day these things are nothing to write home about. They’re not something I’d go out of my way to get into my shopping basket, but I certainly wouldn’t turn one down if offered, lets say, for free at the local health food store. It might even make the granola munching cashiers insufferable drug inspired rants about universal existence more bearable. Your name is Tree Flower, I get it. Now bag my produce, I’ve got places to be.

Item: Rice Dream Non-Dairy Frozen Dessert Pies
Price: $1.39 each (99 cents on sale)
Purchased at: Jimbos…Naturally!
Score: 3/5

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